What Not to Say When You're Disappointed With Your Child June 7, 2013 by Sharon Silver 32 0

What Not to Say When You're Disappointed With Your Child

June 7, 2013

by Sharon Silver 32

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"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." When I was little that rhyme was the big, bad, powerful statement we used to ward off the vicious attacks of other kids.
That rhyme gave us power but didn't protect us from the sting of the words. It didn't stop the ugly words from sinking in and taking root. It didn't stop those words from becoming the way we saw ourselves or from imagining it was the way others saw us, too.
What got me thinking about this was a parent-child interaction I witnessed this week in the grocery store, and this Circle of Moms conversation about basic needs for healthy relationships, in which a member named Nancy R. shared the thought that "The emotional hurt may be hidden from others, but it plays on your mind, heart, and soul."
If you remember the sting of mean words spoken to you as a child, why would you ever label your kids in ways that could be hurtful to them? I'm not talking about labels like "autistic" or "sensory seeking"; I'm talking about calling your child "sloppy," "liar," "stupid," "awful," etc.
Do parents who do this believe that labeling their child will change something about them or help correct a behavior? Can that ever work?
Here's the real-life incident that caused me to wonder about this question.
 An "Awful" Boy
I was in line at the grocery store when I heard a mom very calmly and very firmly whisper to her son, "Are you an awful boy?" The little one tried to pull his body away from his mom, as if to escape the sting of his beloved mother's words, but couldn't. He very sadly dropped his head and said, "Yes."
This little one's face told the whole story. It was obvious this was not the first time Mom had said those words to him. You could literally see the effects of his mom's words being accepted by his emotional self. You could see the words becoming part of how he will define himself, now, and in the future — I am an awful person.
We've all read that parents need to separate the behavior from the child, that parents should tell a child that his behavior is awful, not that he is awful. I don't agree. I don't believe that children can distinguish between the two, not really.
Think of it this way. A group of little girls are playing. Trish looks at Suzie and says, "Suzie, your hair looks funny!" The other girls laugh. Does Suzie understand that she's just having a bad hair day, or does she translate that comment into "I'm ugly"?
I suppose she could have if her parents had coached her on how to respond, maybe by giving her a one-liner comeback like, "You think my hair is funny today, you should have seen it yesterday!" from Sally Ogden's book, Words Will Never Hurt Me: Helping Kids Handle Teasing, Bulling and Putdowns. But most kids can't deflect labels so skillfully. Labels become deeply rooted in how they see themselves and affect all future decisions about what they are and are not capable of.
Most of us remember the sting and impact of a peer's mean label. Imagine how much bigger the sting is when a parent labels?
When the one person a child sees as always being right, her beloved parent, labels her, she just accepts it and defines herself by it. The wound is so deep that it requires a great deal of reprogramming, if you will, to change it.
Why do we need to use harsh words at all? There are far better words to use — words that can actually motivate a child to change.
 3 Questions That Improve Behavior
When your child behaves badly, try asking her if what she did was kind. Was it safe? Was it respectful? These three questions begin the process of change and teaching — without categorizing or labeling.
As an educator, a mom, a former child, and now an empowered adult, I implore you: stop labeling your child, even if the label accurately describes what he's done. Using words that motivate change will get you and your child where you want to go, faster.
Sharon Silver is the author of Stop Reacting and Start Responding and the Skills e-class. Visit proactiveparenting.net to download two free chapters from her book and learn about other Proactive Parenting programs.

Source: mynameisharsha via Flickr/Creative Commons

Fish School is Cool!


Orphaned pups often need to be tube-fed a yummy fish smoothie for the first few days or weeks with us.

When they are a bit older and stronger, they progress to eating whole fish. All pups must graduate "Fish School" - which signifies that they can compete for fish and eat them whole - before they are given the green light to go back to the wild.

Learn more about our Dollar-a-Pound campaign to feed our pup patients!

The New Cold War Dividing the Middle East

The New Cold War Dividing the Middle East

Photo: Flickr/ james_gordon_losangeles

David Blair, writing at the UK daily Telegraph, says that the animating conflict in the modern Middle East is not Arab-Israeli, Muslim-Jewish, or Muslim-Christian. Rather, it is Muslim-Muslim. The tensions between Sunni and Shia Islam require the immediate attention and thorough understanding of Western policymakers if we’re going to navigate these rough waters.

Across the Middle East, tensions between Sunni and Shia are steadily being inflamed. No one was particularly surprised when Yusuf al-Qaradawi, the leading preacher of the (Sunni) Muslim Brotherhood, claimed last month that Shias in general – and Iran in particular – were plotting “massacres to kill Sunnis”. In most countries, the struggle between the two sects is not fought with guns and bombs, but today the religious fissures criss-crossing the region are probably wider than at any time since the First World War

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Author: Stand For Israel | July 25, 2013

Posted in:  Middle East unrest, SFI Daily Dispatch

ounter-attack Launched Against Oil Industry Attempt to Halt Bearded Seals' Protection Global Warming, Oil Development Remain Key Threats to Arctic Seals

For Immediate Release, July 19, 2013
Contact:  Rebecca Noblin, (907) 274-1110

Counter-attack Launched Against Oil Industry Attempt to Halt Bearded Seals' Protection

Global Warming, Oil Development Remain Key Threats to Arctic Seals

ANCHORAGE, Alaska— The Center for Biological Diversity intervened in a lawsuit today to defend Arctic bearded seals from an attempt by the oil and gas industry to strip their Endangered Species Act protection.

Photo of bearded seal pup courtesy NOAA. Photos are available for media use.

The Alaska Oil and Gas Association and American Petroleum Institute are challenging the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration’s 2012 decision to list bearded seals as threatened under the Endangered Species Act due to the loss of their sea-ice habitat, which is being melted by global warming.
“There’s no scientific dispute that the Arctic is warming at twice the rate of the rest of the world, and bearded seals are the poster child for the destructive effects of the global warming onslaught,” said Center Alaska director Rebecca Noblin. “This industry attack on bearded seal protections is about profits, not science.”
Bearded seals, distinctive for their comical, mustachioed appearance and elaborate courtship songs, give birth and nurse their pups on pack ice. The rapid loss of pack ice jeopardizes their ability to rear young and is lowering the abundance of important food sources on their shallow foraging grounds off Alaska.
The seals’ winter sea-ice habitat in the Bering and Okhotsk seas off Alaska and Russia is projected to decline by at least 40 percent by 2050, while summer sea ice across the Arctic is projected to largely disappear in the next 20 years. These seals also face threats from proposed offshore oil and gas development off Alaska, where an oil spill in icy waters would be impossible to clean up.
“Bearded seals do have a chance to survive, but only if they have the full protection of the Endangered Species Act — and if we move fast to make major reductions in greenhouse gas emissions,” said Noblin. “If we don’t aggressively tackle that greenhouse gas pollution, we’re looking at a lonely future on our planet — a future without amazing creatures like these whiskery seals.”
Endangered Species Act listing of bearded seals offers them increased protection against the greenhouse gas emissions that are driving climate change, as well as oil and gas development. Listing of the seals does not affect subsistence harvest of the species by Alaska natives, which is exempted from the law’s prohibitions.
The state of Alaska and the North Slope Borough have also filed challenges to the bearded seal listing rule.
Read more about the Center’s campaign to protect bearded seals.
The Center for Biological Diversity is a national, nonprofit conservation organization with more than 500,000 members and online activists dedicated to the protection of endangered

For Immediate Release, July 23, 2013
Contact:        Miyoko Sakashita, (415) 632-5308, miyoko@biologicaldiversity.org

Lawsuit Launched Targeting Large-scale Oyster Deaths in Oregon,
Washington Driven by Ocean Acidification

SEATTLE— The Center for Biological Diversity today announced its intention to sue the Environmental Protection Agency for failing to address ocean acidification that is killing oysters in Oregon and Washington. Shellfish are not the only animals in trouble; ocean acidification is a broad threat to marine ecosystems and species, with research increasingly showing it stands to harm nearly every type of marine animal. The letter asked the EPA to reconsider its decision that seawaters affected by ocean acidification are nonetheless meeting water-quality standards meant to protect marine life and shellfish rearing.
“Shellfish are dying at a staggering rate because of ocean acidification, and the EPA needs to jump in right away to stop it,” said Miyoko Sakashita, the Center’s oceans director. “If you had a fish tank where the most sensitive animals suddenly began dying off from acidic water, wouldn’t you act fast? It would be irresponsible to wait for more science or more dead bodies to start to address the problem.”
Since about 2005, shellfish hatcheries in Washington and Oregon have experienced massive die-offs of oyster larvae with losses of up to 80 percent of production. The cause of the problem is ocean acidification; every year acidified seawater comes nearer to shore and exposes marine life to corrosive waters. Marine waters are growing increasingly acidic because the ocean absorbs CO2 pollution from power plants and cars; this process also strips seawater of the chemicals marine animals need to build their protective shells and skeletons. The Pacific Northwest is particularly vulnerable to ocean acidification; harmful impacts are already being observed in Oregon and Washington.
“The shellfish die-offs signal a major problem, and I’m worried that the impacts of ocean acidification will cascade throughout the marine ecosystem,” said Sakashita. “Everyone loves going to the beach. We will lose so much if the tidepools our children like to peer into are covered in algae and the waters are empty of seastars, mussels and fish.”
Ocean acidification is an overarching threat to our ocean environment. Oysters are failing to reproduce in Willapa Bay, Wash., corals are growing more sluggishly, and some plankton have thin, weak shells. As carbon dioxide emissions increase, acidification will fundamentally change ocean ecosystems. Ocean acidification also magnifies the toxins in harmful algal blooms, also known as red tides. Research suggests that toxins increase five-fold in harmful algae that can poison shellfish, marine mammals, fish, and even cause paralytic shellfish poisoning in people.
“Washington is already providing great leadership on ocean acidification, yet the problem remains unsolved and is growing more severe. The Pacific Northwest has a great stake in addressing this crisis, and we hope the EPA will use the tools of the Clean Water Act to protect our oceans,” said Sakashita.

The Clean Water Act has an important role to play in addressing ocean acidification. The law requires that waters not meeting water-quality standards, including those for acidity, are identified as impaired. In turn, impaired waters can lead to pollution control, which here can result in needed measures to reduce carbon emissions and other pollution that drives acidification. Similarly, the EPA uses the Clean Water Act for water-quality problems caused by atmospheric mercury and acid rain. Using the Clean Water Act to address ocean acidification complements efforts to reduce carbon dioxide emissions under the Clean Air Act and state initiatives.  

The Center for Biological Diversity is a national, nonprofit conservation organization with more than 500,000 members and online activists dedicated to the protection of endangered species and wild places.

California's Drift Gillnet Fishery Too Deadly for Endangered Sperm Whales Feds Refuse to Give Fishery New Permit to Harm or Kill Marine Mammals

For Immediate Release, July 24, 2013

Contacts:

Catherine Kilduff, Center for Biological Diversity, (415) 644-8580, ckilduff@biologicaldiversity.org Ben Enticknap, Oceana, (503) 235-0278 benticknap@oceana.org Todd Steiner, Turtle Island Restoration Network, (415) 488-7652, TSteiner@TIRN.net

California's Drift Gillnet Fishery Too Deadly for Endangered Sperm Whales

Feds Refuse to Give Fishery New Permit to Harm or Kill Marine Mammals

SAN FRANCISCO— The National Marine Fisheries Service this week declined to issue a required marine mammal “take” permit for California’s swordfish drift gillnet fishery in light of the recent entanglement of two sperm whales, but agreed to call a special meeting next week to discuss possible emergency measures to allow the fishery to continue operating legally while reducing interactions with these endangered whales.

Sperm whale photo by Tim Cole, National Marine Fisheries Service. Photos are available for media use.

The government on Monday reversed course after issuing a draft permit last month for the fishery to kill and seriously injure endangered sperm, fin and humpback whales. More than 13,000 comments were submitted in opposition to the permit.
“This is a huge victory for sperm whales and other marine mammals. Nobody wants this many whales to die in California gillnets for a swordfish steak,” said Catherine Kilduff with the Center for Biological Diversity. “These incredible whales are already struggling under the stress of climate change, loud noises from military exercises and other threats. At the very least we can ensure they don’t get snared in indiscriminate fishing nets.”
Drift gillnet fishing involves setting out mile-long nets at dusk that drift freely where fish, sharks, turtles and marine mammals feed during the night. The boats retrieve the nets the next day and haul in whatever catch has been ensnared in the nets. On average this California fishery — which primarily operates between Aug. 15 and Jan. 31 — catches and discards more than 100 protected whales, dolphins, seals and sea lions each year, as well as thousands of sharks and other non-target fish. The vast majority are dumped back into the ocean, many dead or injured.
”Whales, dolphins, sea lions and thousands of non-target fish are killed in drift gillnets off California each year, said Ben Enticknap Pacific Campaign Manager and Senior Scientist at Oceana. “It’s time to stop the use of deadly drift gillnets and transition to clean, selective gear types like the existing harpoon fishery for swordfish.”
In April 2013 a federal report ranked California's drift gillnet fishery one of the nation’s deadliest fisheries for marine mammals. The National Marine Fisheries Service says that, on average, more than 3 endangered sperm whales are killed every year by the fishery — more than twice the number federal scientists say the population can sustain and still recover. The agency is proposing to make the California gillnet fishery one of two U.S. commercial fisheries in the Pacific classified as a “Category 1” fishery, a designation for those with “frequent” incidents of death and injuries to marine mammals. The other is the Hawaii tuna longline fishery. Oregon and Washington have already banned their fishing vessels from landing swordfish caught by drift gillnets, leaving California as the last remaining state on the west coast allowing this destructive fishing gear. 
Sperm whales have been protected under the Endangered Species Act since 1970. The California-Oregon-Washington stock of sperm whales are found year-round in California waters and reach peak abundance between April and mid-June and from the end of August through mid-November. In Washington and Oregon they have been seen in every season except winter. Deep divers known to prey on the elusive giant squid, females grow to 36 feet and 15 tons and males reach 52 feet and weight as much as 45 tons. Newborn calves are about 13 feet long.
“This swordfish driftnet fishery indiscriminately kills whales, dolphin and sharks and should be shut down forever. Why should we allow this fishery to kill endangered species to deliver seafood known to be so high in mercury that the FDA has issued an advisory warning women and children not to consume swordfish, the target species?” said Todd Steiner, biologist and executive director of SeaTurtles.org.
The Center for Biological Diversity, Oceana and Turtle Island Restoration Network requested emergency regulations and filed a notice of intent to sue the federal government under the Endangered Species Act in September 2012 because of the alarming killing and injury of sperm whales, and other new information, suggested the government was overlooking the fishery’s impact on endangered species. Conservation groups’ efforts in prior years have forced the fishery to implement closed areas to protect loggerhead and leatherback sea turtles.
Learn more about the Center's Fisheries campaign.

The Center for Biological Diversity is a national, nonprofit conservation organization with more than 500,000 members and online activists dedicated to the protection of endangered species and wild places.

Oceana is the largest international advocacy group working solely to protect the world’s oceans. Oceana wins policy victories for the oceans using science-based campaigns. Since 2001, we have protected over 1.2 million square miles of ocean and innumerable sea turtles, sharks, dolphins and other sea creatures. More than 550,000 supporters have already joined Oceana. Global in scope, Oceana has offices in North, South and Central America and Europe. www.oceana.org

Turtle Island Restoration Network (SeaTurtles.org) is a small but effective international marine conservation organization headquartered in California whose 60,000 members and online activists work to protect marine biodiversity in the United States and around the world.

Exclusive: Fight or Flight, Featuring Members of Disturbed and Evans Blue, Premiere New Album, A Life by Design?

Revolver Magazine | Jul 19, 2013 | 16 Comments and 0 Reactions | Tags: Disturbed, Evans Blue, Fight or Flight

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Photo by Donny Phillips

Featuring Disturbed’s Dan Donegan and Mike Wengren, on guitar and drums, respectively, and Evan Blue’s Dan Chandler on vocals, Fight or Flight are set to release their debut album, A Life by Design?, on July 23. In anticipation, the group has teamed with Revolver to stream the record in its entirety right here right now. Check it out below and let us know what you think in the comments.
A Life by Design? is available for preorder with instant download of the single “First of the Last” on iTunes.

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